Pan-Tastic!
Dear reader, welcome! Welcome to the pulse of Millennial America. I think I’ve figured out our schtick. What separates us from those who’ve come...
Rise of the Machines
American human beings hate their hands and it’s killing me. More to the point: modern Americans would rather wave their hands in front of...
Mileygram
My first girlfriend was a girl named Sara. We’d sit in the preschool hallways, hold hands, and sing “Nightmare Before Christmas” songs to each...
Mutilation Mile (and the Picture People Who Run It)
I’m a sucker for mirrors. Sometimes I get caught gazing into one while I’m sitting at a booth in a restaurant. Looking over the...
Facebook Friends Unite!
I had an unusual thought last night, and I’m going to attribute it entirely to a book I’ve been reading by Alain de Botton...
On Getting Older (and Balder)
When I was younger, I kept my hair pretty long. This served two functions: 1. It allowed me to hide from the world, because...
Dancing with Sharks
Super Bowl 2015, you rarified beast. Which part ruffled your feathers more? When Nationwide brought the house down with their apocalyptic child accident commercial?...
Shaking Off 2014
Where is Taylor Swift’s belly button? Sure, she’s already told us that she’ll never expose the little nub: that would be too similar to...
Knife Fight in the Garden of Comments and Criticism
The avenues of the internet are lined on either side by buildings—some of majesty, constructed by award-winning journalists, others busted and bruised. Click bait...
Me and My Game Over
Whenever I go for a run, I think about video games. I don’t day dream about them. I don’t think about which ones I’d...